jengo

Despite not actually losing any weight, I feel like I’ve made some progress — mentally anyway. I think I’m ready to do the WW thing again — starts tomorrow. Bummed about the injury and not being able to do cardio, but am going to the gym and doing weights — upper body mostly, until ankle heals. Surprisingly, I don’t seemed to have gained weight since stopping the gym — why is that? Maybe I have, but my pants don’t think so.

I’ve done the reading, I know the research, or at least some of it, and I know what I have to do  — the question is, will I do it? Is it important enough to me to really stick it out?

I want it to be. I really really want it to be.

Here are some keys to success I know are true:

– Stick to breakfasts and lunches that are the same. Boring, but consistent. Consistency helps.

– drink more water, less diet soda, less coffee

– Avoid carbs for dinner

– Avoid the death traps of afternoon and post-dinner snacking. Can seriously cut out 300 calories a day, just by “closing the kitchen” and not going back after dinner.

– Do not get discouraged or give up if 3 weeks nets a loss of 3 pounds. Stick to it. Had I stuck to it back in February, I’d be 16 pounds lighter today.

Okay, GO!

Well, this must be, what, like the 180th time I’ve said to myself that I really need to lose weight. Apart from the usual things, like tight clothes and the feeling when I catch a glimpse of myself walking that I’m taking my butt for a walk, I’ve managed to injure myself YET again. I started playing soccer — at 41 I’m OLD, I know, but somewhere inside me there’s someone who wants to run around like I’m 10 and kick a ball. And it’s been fun. I stink. But I was having fun until I hurt my achilles tendon, and now I’m limping around and hating it. Once again, my body lets me down. Easy to feel sorry for myself and wonder WHY is it that all those other women aren’t fat and aren’t injured, and it dawn on me for the 87th time that unless I lose 20 pounds at least I will be injuring myself again and again, cause it’s just not fair to my knees and ankles to be carrying that much extra.

It always seems do-able at the beginning of a diet, by about 3-4 days in, it seems impossible, and that first weigh in is always a let down — other people lose 2-4 pounds, and if I’m doing well, I lose about a pound. Sigh. Over 40. Sluggish thyroid. Depression. genetically slow metabolism (look at my parents, both have weight problems).

I really think if I could get past the first 5 pounds it would be easier to stay on track. It’s too hard, otherwise, to work so hard and see so little in return. Any magic cures out there? Any jump starts? Besides the cabbage soup thing. I can’t do cabbage soup.

No, probably not. I know what to do:

1. journal

2. exercise

3. don’t eat after dinner

4. plan healthy snacks

5. keep self from being bored

half of my problem is that I don’t have healthy meals planned and healthy snacks easy to get. the other half is that I self-sabotage and allow myself all kinds of things I shouldn’t, like rolls of cookie dough. it’s amazing I don’t weigh 500 pounds really.  I can see how easy it would be to get there.

sooooooo — what’s the end of this long ramble?

I need a plan. I will develop a plan over the weekend. I will shop. I will prepare food. And I will start on Monday. And in the meantime, I will not eat like it’s my last meal.

so, 3 pounds down, 1 pound back (did step on scale at gym), but as I improve my lifestyle, the weight has GOT to shift, doesn’t it? I’m going to the gym 3 days/week, playing soccer on the weekends, and walking the dogs. Okay, my eating is WAY out of control, and obviously candy is not good for weight loss. Delusional mystery solved.

my new goal — and i have 5 on sticky notes around my desk — is 5 pounds by April 9. Overall, that would only be 4 more down. It would make a difference, I know!

So, far have stuck with my breakfast, and haven’t snacked this morning. I have 40 minutes until I go to the gym, and then I can have lunch after.

Eating PLAN:  Drink lots of water. No candy. (no brainer) Eat good lunch. And then, diet coke in the afternoon. I know, sounds drastic, but I have to get back into the habit of watching what I eat. I can do this. It’s just two weeks. And it would feel so good to have this gone, and be on  track again. Long term outlook needed here. I should throw away the candy.

Seems like a no-brainer. Candy=bad. But, I’m not sure. So here’s the thing. I’m a writer. For whatever reason, and I think I just heard about research to back this up, hard thinking requires blood sugar. Writing is definitely draining, and for as long as I can remember, I’ve had to eat while I write. Eat, write, eat, write. maybe I need a different job… but that’s another issue. I like to write. I am good at it. so changing is not likely. So, I have found that if I have a box of candy at my desk, like milk duds or gobstoppers, my daily caloric intake is actually LOWER and I don’t feel as desperate for real food.

Of course, it can get out of control, and I can eat half a  box if I’m not careful, and that does not work. But — if I keep track, and keep the calories down in the 200-300 range (9 gobstoppers are only 60 calories, 13 milk duds are 170) then maybe it’s not so bad.

But, of course, candy IS bad for your teeth, and gives you blood sugar imbalances, etc. But, seriously, 9 gobstoppers or milk duds last a lot longer in keeping me occupied than a string cheese.

Quite a conundrum.

This sucks! I haven’t been getting to the gym as much as I need to. I’ve been eating more — still not terribly, but much more slippage — and I haven’t gained the 3 pounds back, but WHY WHY WHY can’t I get myself to lose more? It’s been a month — MARCH — big failure of  a month. I need to get on track. I need to get remotivated.

What I need is a big success to keep me going. I need a 5 pound loss. I need to feel a difference. I need to be able to wear some pants I wasn’t wearing last month.  I need, to use a really bad metaphor, a SURGE — an all-out effort that gives me some success (hopefully better than the Iraq surge, but that’s another issue).

How???????

I guess I need a new plan, a short term, guaranteed success, plan.

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve posted, but I’ve had some, ahem, medical issues that have been truly annoying and depressing, and I just haven’t been able to stay on track. Mental note: do NOT ever buy cookie dough.

It’s halfway through March, and if I were a betting person, which I am, I’d guess I’ve stayed about the same. I’ll find out when next I go to the gym, which may be Monday — or today, depending on how work goes this afternoon. So, I still have about 2 weeks to get rid of another few pounds, and meet my goal for March. Certainly, I can do it — just requires a little more attention and planning — and recommitment.

I started running on the treadmill — did 2 miles– one mile, a break for walk, and then another, and it was okay. My knees and shins seem to be fine. Running was what worked for me, oh, what, 15 years ago when I lost 20 pounds, so maybe it can work again. Sad to think that my goal is to get down to where I was when I needed to lose 20 pounds! But, I guess age will do that to you. Still, nice to know I can still run a mile.

I’m joining a women’s soccer team — I’m not sure I’m really fit enough to do it, but what the heck. I’ll give it a try. A lot of sprinting involved.

The not-eating-carbs thing was working for me — I need to try to continue that.

Okay, so it’s just 3 pounds, but that’s on the gym scale so I know it’s real, not like my psycho scale at home. I was hoping for 4 in Feb, but I have had an extra, unexpected TOM show up, so I won’t feel too bad about it. March starts tomorrow. Goal to get another 3 gone in March. Already can wear some jeans I wasn’t wearing a few weeks ago!

Been doing South Beach, though admitted have cheated ALOT. But skipping the carbs seems to be working, so I think I’ll try to keep that up for lunches and dinners. If I see another egg — well, ugh.

I feel like March — the next 3 pounds — are the big ones. If I can get rid of these, I’m on my way.

I have to admit to severe pangs of jealousy when I read about people who are losing 2 pounds a week, and even more jealous of the people who lose, say, 7 pounds in a week. That ain’t happening to me. Sigh. Well, that’s just me, I guess.

So, not pregnant, thank goodness. That would have been rough. But still dragging due to cold–entire office seems be down with it. Hate not being able to go to gym. Means I’ve just been watching what I eat, and I’ve been doing really well. It’s got to pay off, right, if I stick to it?

But this week, with not exercising and having period seems like an inauspicious weigh in — might wait until next week, and see where we are. On the gym scale. Home scale obligingly says 158.5, which I have to keep reminding myself, is not the high of 163. But scale is weird, and I don’t quite trust it as accurate weight, but more sign of trends. So trend is down. I need to keep it that way.

Halfway through Feb, and I have journaled every day but one (very good), have exercise, but struck down by cold. Bummed, but must flow around rocks in as if stream.

lists = motivation

thus,

10. tight clothes

9. fears of injury (can’t run with 30 xtra pounds)

8.  jiggling fat

7.  rolls of fat around middle

6. fear of bathingsuits

5. cellulite/ugly legs

4. fear of looking at pictures of myself

3. Self-directed anger/horror at lack of willpower

2. buying size 14s and 16s

1. self-consciousness in every social situation about size of my butt!

So, I got sick. It seems like this always happens — I get going, am doing well, and get derailed by something — holidays, sickness, — those are the usual culprits.

I haven’t exercised, and haven’t food journaled since I’ve been feeling so bad. I feel like I’m pregnant again — which had me seriously worried until a friend of mine told me she had this a few weeks ago, and felt exactly the same way. What I don’t need at 41 is another baby, thank you very much. I love my kids, but I don’t think I have it in me to do that whole staying-up-all-night thing again.

Feeling better today. Going to try to get back on track diet-wise….which requires food shopping since there’s almost nothing edible in the house. Well, not true, plenty of rice and pasta, but not much in the way of lean protein, fruits, and vegetables. If I wanted to eat tortilla chips all day, I’d be set….